After the Crunch
by inDEPPendent01
Summary: What happens...after the crunch? Meet Mort's third personality. This is my first fan fic, so spare me! Please Read and Review. Second chapter is up! Rated PG-13 for language and sexual references
1. The OTHER Side

After the Crunch

**Disclaimer: I do not own Secret Window or Johnny Depp. **

**That doesn't mean I don't want him though! leaps into his bedroom**

**Johnny Depp: Oh my gosh, who are you??**

**Nooli: That is not the question you should be asking. You should be asking yourself **

**who**** you are. **

**JD: Huh?**

**N: YOU'RE MINE!! GRARGH!!!! tackles him**

**JD: Help!!! **

**N: ties up arms and feet and gags him**

**JD: frantic thrashing**

**N: Buahahahaha!!!! drags him to her basement**

**ANYHOW… here's the story**

Chapter 1: The OTHER Side

**crunch **

Mort Rainey: Mmm! This corn is really, really, really good!

Sherriff Dude: Yea, I bet. drool Can I have some?

M: Aaah! No! -hugs corn and leaps on top of desk, crouching-

SD: 0.0

M: Stay back, you! -brandishes another ear of corn as a weapon-

SD: 0.0;;

M: -does kung-fu and karate moves- WAAAaaaaAAAA ya! It's pronounced kah-rah-tay!

M: -beats sheriff to pulp with corn-

Homicidal Mort (in Mort's head): WHAT WAS THAT FOR???

M: I had to protect the corn! -puts hands on hips- DUHHHHHHH!

HM: Okayyyyyyyyy….

M: -kisses corn-

HM: So what do we do know?

M: Uhhh…. Good question. Hm. -scratches head

HM: How about we get rid of the body????

M: How about we get rid of the body?

HM: That's what I just said.

M: -mimics- That's what I just saaaaaaaaid. Jeez, can't you see I'm busy here??!!

HM: -rolls eyes-

M: -drags body outside and throws in lake-

HM: You'd think they'd notice a car, and now a body in the lake.

M: HEY! THE BODY'S FLOATING!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO????? HELP ME!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY'LL CATCH ME, AND

PUT ME IN PRISON, AND I'LL GET RAPED!!!!!!!!!!

HM: Woah, disturbing mental image.

M: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

HM: Mort?

M: -HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

HM: Mort! Take a breath!

M: -HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. –wheeze-  -Sees

squirrel on branch- Hello Mr. Squirrel! -faint-

HM: Oh, great. Just great. -Homicidal Mort comes out of Mort's mind appears in

physical form- -looks around- I hope no one's seeing this… -does mouth to mouth-

M: -flutters eyelids-

HM: You're alive!

M: -opens eyes- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What the HELL are you doing on top of me? Get OFF of me, you whore!

HM: For YOUR information, dickhead, I just saved your god damn life. Aren't you

going to thank me?

M: -bambi eyes-   Okay. -approaches Homicidal Mort-

M: Hey! Where did that thought come from? What am I doing??

HM: Woah woah, what are you doing? -backs away-

M: -blows kiss- You know you want me.

HM: Hm, now that you say it, you are pretty attractive, since you look just like me.

-snicker- Wait! What am I thinking?!!

M: -Perverted Mort comes out of Mort's mind and appears in physical form-

PM: How about a group orgy?

M & HM: -run away in terror-

PM: … Was it something I said?

**Sorry this was short, but I hope y'all liked it!! This is my very first fan fic. Lots of feed back please! Read and review!! Tell me if I should keep writing or not. I want at least one review before I write more. I hav the second chapter written up (and its much longer) but I want to know if I should put it up or not. Thank you! **


	2. Ambush

**A special thanks to my reviewers: instantpudding, mystery GYRL, and Esmerelda Sparrow! My next chapter! I got it out as soon as possible. Oh, sorry bout the last chapter. I don't know where the asterisks went.  
**  
**Nooli: Do you like my story, sweetie? **

**Johnny Depp: NO. **

**Nooli: ::Pout:: Now, now dearie, no need to be mean takes out knife **

**Johnny Depp: gulp I mean, it was an absolutely terrific story! **

**Nooli: girly smile You think so? Awww.... aren't you sweet?**

Chapter 2: Ambush  
  
-in Mort's cabin-  
  
Mort & Homicidal Mort: -pant pant-

Perverted Mort: -runs into cabin- What's wrong, guys? Don't you love me?

M & HM: -run up the stairs and slam the bedroom door-

HM: -turns to Mort- No...more...Viagra.

-hours later-

M: So...who's making dinner?

-HM & PM disappear back into Mort's body-

M: Hey! That's not fair!

HM: Bummer, Mort

PM: Hey! That's my line!

M: No, it's my line!

PM: No, mine!

M: Mine!

PM: Mine!

M: Mine!

HM: Hurry up and go make dinner, Mort.

M: -blush- Hey, at least I didn't go out and kill 4 people!

HM: Shut up, Morty boy.

M: Don't tell me to shut up! You shut up!

HM: You're the crazy one! You shut up!

M: No, you!

PM: Both of you shut up!

HM & M: NO!

-1 hour later-

PM: Are you guys done?

HM & M: Yes.

PM: That's fine and dandy, boys, but I'm hungry.

M: -sigh- Fine, I'll go.

-cooks-

-HM & PM come back out of Mort's body-

HM: Yummy! It's cold pasta!

M: Shut up.

HM: Don't get me started again!

PM: -rolls eyes-

HM: Now hurry up and eat.

M: Make me.

HM: -holds up fork menacingly-

M: -flinch- MOMMY!!!!!

PM: Both of you STOP. Do NOT make me bring out the lubricant.

M & HM: -look terrified and start stuffing their mouths-

HM: -whispers- Was he serious?

M: SHHHH!!!!

PM: -glare-

M & HM: -start stuffing mouths again-

-after eating-

M: Urghhh..........

HM: I'm stuffed.

PM: Why don't you guys work out?

M: What, so you'll be able to see us with our shirts off???

PM: I'll be in the loft finishing a story so we'd have so money to live off of, thank you very much.

HM: Psh. What are you going to write? PORN??? I think I'll work out so I don't hear you jerk off. -jumps on bicycle machine-

M: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! That's disgusting! I think I'll work out too. -shudder- -lifts weights on bench-

-a while later-

PM: Hehehe

HM: I'm pretending I didn't hear that.

M: -grunt grunt- (A/N: Don't worry! He's just lifting weights. I know you all are disappointed.)

-meanwhile in Johnny Depp Fangirl Headquarters...-

Fangirl #1: What's that sound?

Fangirl #64 : What sound?

Fangirl #1: Listen - everyone listens carefully -

All the fangirls: -squeal- (glass breaks) It's Johnny!!!

Fangirl #1099: And whatever he's doing, he's grunting!

Fangirl #537: -giggle- Let's go!

-back in the cabin-

HM: Do you hear that?

PM: Hear what?

M: -grunt grunt-

HM: Be quiet, Mort!

M: -mimics- Be quiiiiiiiiiiiiet, Mooooooooooooort!

HM: -slaps Mort-

M: You slapped me!

PM: SHHH!

-rumble rumble rumble-

-everything starts shaking-

-rumble rumble rumble-

-squeal-

PM & HM & M: -look terrified-

PM: TAKE COVER!!!!!!!!!

HM: FANGIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!

HM & PM: -dive back into Mort's body-

M: OH MY GOSH! HELP! HELP! HELP! -runs in circles-

-entire front of house gets run down by fangirls-

Fangirls: EEEEEEEEEH!!!!!!!!!!! Look! Johnny's all sweaty!! -drool- -tackles Mort-

M: Help mEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

PM: I'll save you! -reappears in Mort's bodily form-

HM: idiot...

Fangirls: -SQUEAL- There's two!!!!

Fangirl #1: Grab him, girls!

M: Hey! My pants!

HM: Gimmee my shirt back! HEY!

M: Oh no! Not the gumdrop buttons!

-complete silence-

-Cricket......-

M: eh heh... Just kidding?

Fangirl #1: Grab the other one's pants!

Fangirls: -squeal- -giggle-

HM: - -;;  
  
****

****

**Whew! That was a long chapter. Well, it felt like it was. How did you like it? Review! Even those of you that have already reviewed it for the previous chapter, review it again!!!!!!!! Thanks muchos ppl! I dunno why, but the asterisks won't show up! I had to use hyphens. urghh..**


End file.
